just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
