So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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