i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
