The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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