dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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