Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
