tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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