I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sorry about my life...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
