is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
