were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
