hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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