I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
