Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
