I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
