I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
