I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
