well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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