I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
