stop calling my apartment porn island.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
