oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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