I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
