how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
