i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
