we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
