what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
