I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
