I'm really into asian looking animals
My brain says no but my pants say off.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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