We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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