Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
