finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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