The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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