i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Did I show you my penis last night?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
