I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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