How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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