Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
