god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
