The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
