im six kinds of drunk right now
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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