hotel room ftw
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
