8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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