Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
