Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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