Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
