You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
