Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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