Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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