i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
