I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The best revenge is premature balding
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize