You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
