I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
