I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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