I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think your dad took our porno
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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