My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
