I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So drunk its hurt
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
