Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
