Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
