You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
