With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize