My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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