so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
