summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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