I want to stick my p in your. b.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
