I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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