He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
