And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
