seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
