I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
