well I can't set my house on fire every night
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
