We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
