i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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