let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
