I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize