my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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