so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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