he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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