Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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