I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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