About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
false alarm. still invincible.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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