oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
