so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
