i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize