So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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