Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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