you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
