he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
