38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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